It could be just another regular day when, all of a sudden, your teenager asks: “Hey Mom, is the Bible actually true?” Gulp. Or maybe it’s “Dad, I don’t know if the whole Jesus thing makes sense to me anymore.” Whatever the question may be, hearing your child express doubts about Scripture or God can trigger immediate panic as a Christian parent.
You may feel blindsided or shocked: “I followed all the Christian parenting advice. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” You might feel hurt and offended: “How could they question such a core value of our family?” Or you might be tempted to ignore it altogether: “If I act like it didn’t happen, they’ll eventually forget about it.”
Regardless of the emotions these questions stir up, your teenager voicing questions or doubts about the Christian faith you’ve worked to instill in them is not a reason to panic or give in to fear.
The Sticky Faith Study by Fuller Youth Institute found that 70% of teenagers reported having doubts about their Christian faith. They also found that those same teenagers wanted to talk with adults in their lives about their questions. This means that when the hard questions come up, you have an opportunity to walk through them with your teenager.
Here’s how:
1. Pause
The fact that your teenager felt comfortable voicing their doubts to you in the first place is a win! In the moment, it is tempting to just give a quick answer to their question and move on. While well-meaning, that can send the message that their questions and doubts aren’t welcome here and immediately close the door to further conversation.
The goal isn’t for your teenager to be able to rattle off all the right answers and never doubt again. The goal is for them to have a rich and deep faith built on knowing Jesus personally, and that is a process that takes time.
2. Lean In
That same Sticky Faith study found that high schoolers who felt safe talking through their questions and doubts with adults in their lives showed greater faith maturity in college. By creating a safe environment for your teenager to express their doubts and working through their questions with them, you may be laying the foundation for a deeper faith that they can personally claim as their own.
So, what does that look like practically?
Study together
You can read through specific sections of Scripture or Bible studies that focus on the areas that they are questioning. There are also so many resources about apologetics, a logical defense of the Christian faith, that you could work through together. This could look like listening to sermons or podcasts in the car together, or independently reading the same book and talking about it for 20 minutes each week.
Ask questions!
Recorded in the Gospels, Jesus was asked 183 questions, and he only answered 4 of those directly. 4! This means that 97% of the time, Jesus replied with another question or a parable.
Questions are not only a great way to be an active listener, but they also help to reveal what’s really on their mind. They might ask “Is Christianity the only right way to God?” when what they are really wondering is “Will my Hindu friend at school also go to Heaven?” Listen for the question within the question, and you might find clues to help guide how you approach your interactions.
3. Pray
As always, the best thing that you can do is pray. Ask for wisdom in your conversations, that the Holy Spirit would give you discernment on when to listen and when to speak, and that He would equip you with the right words (Luke 12:12).
Pray for patience, that you would be able to walk alongside your teenager throughout this whole process without rushing them towards a conclusion.
Pray that the Holy Spirit would provide clarity for your teenager, that Scripture would come alive to them, and that they would know and understand.
Some truths to remember:
A. It’s not personal
Your child asking hard questions does not mean that you have failed as a parent. Your identity and worth are found in Christ alone, not in your children’s spiritual maturity. Your teenager’s honesty is not necessarily a rejection of your love, your parenting, or even their Christian faith.
B. Don’t despair
Doubt doesn’t equal spiritual rebellion, and questions don’t equal a lack of faith. Often, they actually reveal that your teenager is thinking deeply about their faith, sorting it through.
It can be easy to assume that your teenager having doubts or questions is the first step towards an inevitable deconstruction, when in fact, it might be a necessary step in their faith journey.
C. Their faith is their own
Walking with Jesus is a personal decision that every person must make for themselves. As a parent, there are many things you can do to raise your children in the Church, but ultimately it is a decision they will need to make for themselves.
As a Christian parent, the hope is that your children come to know and love Jesus for themselves, not just because that’s what mom and dad taught.
Your teenager is God’s child first and foremost, and they are held in His loving arms, even when they are wrestling with doubts and questions. While that process can be difficult to watch, we can continue to love them and walk alongside them, trusting that God is at work in their lives.
Kaitlyn Sipes
Ministry Engagement Manager
Photo by Stephen Harlan on Unsplash