Our world is full of “happiness,” whether it’s reels that are too real, Instagram moments that don’t match reality, or a suck it up mentality to at least look happy on the outside. Our students are fed a constant diet of filtered smiles and 15-second highlights that we all know are highly edited. I know we’ve all done a good job teaching our students to understand the joy of the Lord, to pray for their friends to know Jesus, to read Scripture, etc. But have we taught them what it means to process the emotions that come with life?
The Bible is chock full of examples of lament, grief, sorrow, and pain. Here are a few examples in case you need to be reminded:
- Job
- Psalms
- The Prophets
- and even Jesus Himself
Today, let’s just look at David. He had so many great moments. Let’s explore a little of what he can teach us on this topic.
1. The Goliath Standard (the problem)
In Youth Ministry, we love a win! The mountain top experiences that come from camps, retreats, mission trips, salvations, baptisms, or answered prayers. These are our giant-slaying moments. David had lots of wins, but none is more talked about than when he defeated Goliath. We love to talk about taking down our own giants and seeing the victory that God can bring. But what happens when we’ve only taught about “victory David” and yet our giants are winning? We can unintentionally create a “happy Christian” myth for our students that says if it’s not good, then you’re not doing it right!
2. The Cave of Adullam (the reality)
Before David became king, he was hunted. He was driven from his family and all that he knew because Saul wanted to kill him. Even after slaying the literal giant, David’s life spiraled. In 1 Samuel 22, David is hiding in a cave, and someone rats him out to Saul. Thankfully, one man, Ahimilek, stands up for David, but he and his family pay the price for it with their lives. When David finds out about this, it’s understandably devastating. He writes two Psalms that are thought to come from this time, Psalm 57 and 142. Both are songs birthed from sorrow. Both cry out to God and ask difficult questions. David didn’t wait until the good times returned to talk to God. He cried out to Him in the darkness of the cave.
3. Proximity Over Performance
Our job in Youth Ministry isn’t to help our student live a happily ever after type of life. It’s to equip our students to live lives that reflect God in all areas at all times. When we teach them proximity over performance, we’re teaching them that God is near even when they don’t feel Him, even when they think they’ve been abandoned, even when all hope seems lost. It’s in those moments that we have to call out to Him from where we are. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We need to not just teach our students what this means, we need to walk with them, sit with them, weep with them through it. It’s much easier to “help” them get out of the cave. But often there’s more to learn by going through the cave.
4. Teach “Cave Language”
So what does this look like on a Wednesday night? Do we light some candles and talk in hushed voices? I actually think it’s much simpler than that. Just talk about it. When’s the last time you taught about lament, grief, sadness as the main topic and didn’t try to fix it? These things are realities and we need to make sure our students know that they are okay in this space for awhile. We can teach them and give them tools for their time in the cave. Giving them “cave language” means helping them to voice what they’re feeling or going through. Giving them tools to properly wrestle with God with what they’re going through. Help them write their own Psalm. Help them to process like David did. Maybe theirs will end like David’s with a realization of who God is in this moment in their lives and how His character is proving itself through the darkness.
If we want our students to have a faith that lasts, we have to stop pretending the Christian life is one long victory parade. We need to teach them that the same God who was with David in the Valley of Elah was with him in the Cave of Adullam. Proximity, not happiness, is the goal.
Kyle Wood
Director of Operations and Communication
Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash