Almost every parent I talk to has different rules surrounding dating than the next. There are so many theories and methods that you could land on and many of them have great merit! Some parents are okay with their teens dating in high school, some want them to wait until they are fourteen, sixteen, or, maybe if you have girls, twenty-one! Regardless of where you land, there are biblical principles that can help you have a strategy when it comes to your teenager dating.
With all of these principles, it’s best to bring your teen into the conversation. Let them know your expectations of dating before they start dating. This will create trust and make things easier when you may need to remind them of expectations in a dating relationship.
- Healthy Boundaries – Proverbs 5 is dedicated to Solomon’s son, guiding him to stay away from adultery. Verse 8 says, “Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house.” Here is the nugget of wisdom we can apply to dating: build good boundaries. If you don’t want to (insert boundary here), then you should not put yourself in a position to cross that line. It is good to develop boundaries around all aspects of romantic relationships: physical, emotional, and spiritual.
Try asking your son or daughter what they think their boundaries should be in these areas. You would be surprised to see that some might be more “strict” than what you would recommend. Again, this should be thought out before they enter into any relationship!
- Trustworthy Accountability – Now that you have great boundaries, we should check in on how those boundaries are being upheld. Remember, if you and your child have talked through those boundaries together, then it should be no surprise to them for you to check in with them. Asking questions communicates that you love them and care deeply for their well-being. While they probably talk about their relationships with friends and other mentors, don’t leave it to their youth pastor to ask those questions. As their parent, you are their most consistent influence and are their primary discipler. It may seem awkward at first, but this practice will help your relationship thrive for years to come!
Relationships can be messy. Helping your child navigate through them can be tough, but you can do it! Here is an encouragement from Moses to the parent’s of Israel as he gives them the Ten Commandments, “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Continue to teach the things of God to your children so that they may walk in his ways all the days of their lives!
Kyle Williamson
Director of Student Leadership Development