The dating culture in today’s society is broken, to say the least. Media, peer pressure, and societal norms are shaping young minds and defining relationships for them. They need you to come alongside them, listen to what culture is telling them about relationships, and bring truth in love. You have a unique place in their lives to help guide them in what a biblical worldview of dating looks like. Before you talk to your teens about any of the following topics, ask them about what they think the purpose of dating is, what a healthy relationship is made up of, what they look for in someone they want to date, and what they notice about dating in their generation. Knowing what they think and giving them space to share openly and honestly will leave space for an open conversation that will engage them instead of a lecture that flies over their head. As you navigate this conversation, here are a couple of things to consider talking with them about when it comes to dating:
1. Start with God’s Purpose For Relationship
Relationships are not just about emotions, attraction, or fitting in. They are a part of God’s divine plan. God created us for connection – first with Him and then with others. It is natural for us to desire relationships, it is a quality God placed in each of us to be connected. In Genesis 2:18 it says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'” We were created for a relationship with God. However, God, in His kindness, gave us the sweet gift of a relationship with others. It is important to remember, however, that if we are not in a relationship with God, human worldly love will never fully satisfy us, and we will never know how to love others well if we are apart from God.
When we are in a relationship with God, we learn how to love the way He does, with patience, kindness, and others focused (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
2. Emphasize the Importance of Identity Rooted In Christ
One of the key areas where teens can be led astray is in understanding their identity in Christ. In today’s society, where outward appearance and social status are often emphasized, teens may struggle with knowing their identity that is secure in Christ. Their identity doesn’t change based on what they wear, how many followers they have, and who they are dating. Remind them that dating should never be about filling an emotional void but rather about a loving, selfless connection. Being fully dependent on God in a relationship is healthy, being co-dependent in a relationship with a person is not healthy. When our identity is rooted in Christ, and He is all we need, we can choose to be in a relationship with others and love selflessly because we are receiving all we need from the Father, who gives in abundance.
Psalm 139:13-14 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
3. Teach about Biblical Boundaries in Relationships
One of the most challenging aspects of dating is understanding healthy boundaries—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This is a very countercultural idea in today’s dating culture, where boundaries are almost nonexistent. God’s design for relationships includes setting limits that protect both people involved. Boundaries are not about restriction but about fostering an environment of respect and purity. To help your students understand the following boundaries, share your own stories of how you have seen God’s blessing and protection as you stayed within these boundaries and/or how you have seen the negative impacts of going outside of these boundaries. Personal stories will help your teens understand that this is deeper than rules to keep them from having fun, but the best possible way to be in a relationship.
- Emotional Boundaries: Encourage your teen to recognize their emotional needs and to be mindful of not relying solely on a romantic relationship to meet those needs. Relationships should complement their emotional well-being, not define it.
- Physical Boundaries: Explain how God designed physical intimacy to be shared within the confines of marriage. Discuss the importance of purity and how waiting until marriage honors God and each person involved.
- Spiritual Boundaries: Encourage them to seek a partner who shares their faith and values. A relationship centered around God is more likely to thrive and grow. Encourage them to have a mentor or come and talk to you openly about their relationship. Their partner should not always be the first person they go to about everything.
Finally, one of the most powerful ways to influence your teen’s perspective on relationships is by modeling God’s love in your marriage or friendships. Teens are keen observers and often learn more from what they see than from what they hear. Show them what it looks like to treat others with respect, kindness, and compassion and to pursue a relationship that honors God. Navigating relationships and dating as a teen can be complex, but with God’s guidance, you can help your teen lay a strong foundation for healthy, godly relationships. By emphasizing the value of love rooted in God’s Word, teaching healthy boundaries, and fostering open communication, you can empower your teen to approach relationships with wisdom, purpose, and clarity.
Remember, these conversations may not be easy, but they are essential. With prayer, patience, and God’s help, you can guide your teen toward healthy, Christ-centered relationships that will serve them well for a lifetime.
Aubrie Kimbrough
Media and Mobilization Manager
Photo by Austin Kehmeier on Unsplash